The purpose in living can only be unfolded by discovering the mysteries of one’s soul. I have felt often that a person’s soul can be an entirely different personality, a different being, quite unaware of what it’s flesh is made up of. It could be living in a different dimension altogether, if you want to call it that. I would even call it unfair that every human being has to live most parts of his life unaware of the essence he carries within himself.
Volumes have been written about getting in touch with the soul and engaging it in a steady conversation, which over time could lead us towards that place of contentment. But all that is much easier said than done, isin’t it? As for me, I really cannot say I have connected to the life force inside me yet, but there have been times when certain voices have taken over primal instincts and left me confused as to the source of some major life altering decisions. Because, quite frankly, some of my decisions seem very alien to me at times.
Almost a year ago, my fingers were guided into typing this conversation out, that which I believe I had with the voice inside me. I had not paid much heed to it then, and this lay forgotten in the midst of my overwhelmingly increasing number of incomplete drafts. But in the light of recent events unfolding in my life ( read, major life altering events in personal and professional spheres), I feel the need to share it. And hence the dialogue below.
What was that again?
I said, you need to stop reminiscing and start living your life, for real.
Easy for you to say! You, who can live many lives in a single moment. You can be anywhere, living any life you chose. I.. I have the responsibility of steering this ship to safety, this life craft of yours.
Are you afraid of losing control of this vessel? Do you really think we would get lost?
It’s possible. Yes.
And why does that bother you?
Why shouldn’t it bother me? This life, this is all I have. No second chances. No fail safes. No resurrection from death. I would rather gather wisdom spread over time till my last breath, than foolishly seek a single moment of enlightenment.
There is nothing wrong in that. You have every right to wish for a stability and predictability in life. Even old souls sometimes wish for that. But..
But you know that there is a reason why I am here tonight talking to you. We don’t usually go around talking to people in their heads. And whenever we tried, almost always lost them to lunacy. But there comes times, when we realize that something important is about to happen, like it is in your life right now.
Maybe that’s the problem. You should start talking to us lowlifes more. Life would have been so much less confusing then for most of us. But please go ahead. Do tell me why you are here.
I can sense it when you are going through a rough patch. Some are essential, some are avoidable. And still, some are very crucial. I can feel the intensity of your feelings and desires, the thirst for knowing that consumes you. I can sense the dissent among your senses and the bickering in your head. And I know the exact moment when you are capable of choosing faith in the unknown over safety in the known.
Well then you got here a bit too late I guess. That moment has passed. I made my choice and now it’s done. Why else do you think I am in this mess right now? You should have come much sooner. Your words mean nothing to me today.
Did I tell you that I am here tonight because this is your moment? No. This is not your moment. Neither was that which you now claim to be over. That was just a part of your story making you who you are, leading you up to your moment. And that moment is now almost upon you. I am here only to let you know so that this time you make no mistake.
What do you mean?
I mean that very soon you will find yourself at crossroads again, one of the biggest and most confusing one in your life. And then, I don’t want you to just give in to the easy way out because you think your actions in the past have already determined your fate. No. It doesn’t work that way. It’s true that some choices can leave more indents on your story than others, but no one decision can rob a man his freedom of choice. Use it without guilt. I am not saying that the road less traveled could be your natural choice. All I want to remind you is that, you still have the power to choose for yourself, however difficult or impossible it may seem.
I could never do that. I am not that reckless now. Honestly I think the spirit of adventure might have died a little in me.
I pause here, because this is where I stopped writing that night. But as days and months went by, I have to say, something was indeed awakened. Over the past couple of months, I have made choices, some sensible but mostly irrational choices, that have indeed brought me to crossroads. I shudder to think that this was a premonition or in anyway a warning for the things to come. But the freedom to choose that I find myself wielding right now, is frankly quite scary.
Well, it’s good to be scared I suppose. It can only mean that I am still alive and I can still dream about a life where happiness or joy, does not ebb from containing myself within the choices I made in the past. And that, I believe, is better than living a life sans desires or dreams.
“The soul that sees beauty may sometimes walk alone”